Deconstructing Church

My husband and I are very different people. We love, value and respect each other wholeheartedly. He is from the South, I the North East. He likes the stinkiest, pongiest cheeses he can get his hands on, I’m a mild cheddar girl. To him, David Boreanaz will always be Angel, while to me he is forever Agent Booth. He types with one space after full stops and I … might crack that one someday.

Thing is, on the fundamentals of life we more or less align. We are both Christians, although we are both very much of the liberal, social justice focused, mystic and monastic influenced bent. We both believe in family, community, living lives to support others and not just to line our own pockets. When he winds me up something rotten over not picking up the bathmat, or dropping his phone on the floor when we’re drifting off to sleep, and when I drive him round the bend when my hormones are taking over, we focus on what holds us together and we are blessed.

So what if we really didn’t agree on those fundamentals? Isn’t that the challenged the Church of England is facing right now. A wave is building calling for social justice in terms of marriage equality. A dam of historic precedent, biblical interpretations and dogma stands before it. The crash, when it finally comes, will be incredible.

Watching it all happen at a national level has been incredibly hard. Watching it on a local level, as I am now, is heartbreaking. For all involved on all sides of the discussion. Passions rise, trenches are dug. Stalemates. Not ‘mates’ any more.

The plea is for those with differing opinions to ‘disagree respectfully.’ This is so well intentioned, I know. But it comes down to this: do we ‘disagree respectfully’ that white girls should only marry white boys? Do we ‘disagree respectfully’ that if disabled people cannot access churches with historical architecture, then that is too bad and they can find somewhere else? Do we ‘disagree respectfully’ that being against gay people marrying their loved ones amounts to homophobia?

If a white girl wanted to marry an Asian boy, we may be using the story of John 4, The Woman at the Well, to assert that Jesus broke down intercultural barriers. We may bring out Paul’s words to the Galatians (3:28) that there is no Jew or Gentile in the kin-dom of God. We may know that to deny such a marriage would be a racist action, with roots in colonialism and white supremacy. In most places across the UK today, I hopefully believe this marriage would be celebrated.

Yet there are many stories in the Bible which could also be applied as warning against marrying outside of your culture. Elimelech marries Naomi and ends up dead with no heirs. Deuteronomy 7 dictates no person from the tribes of Israel should marry with the peoples of other nations. Would we use these verses to block an interracial marriage today? I hope not.

So why do we use out of context, poorly translated verses to bar anyone who is not cishet from holy matrimony?

Who are we to gatekeep the love and blessings of God?

I was divorced before I remarried my amazing husband. There are Bible verses in support of my situation, and verses against. I wasn’t even sure myself about getting married again. Ultimately I believe in a God of love, of second chances, of grace and of resurrection. Some churches would deny me and deny my marriage. I had to be interviewed with intrusive personal questions, made to relive traumatic times in order to be permitted to marry in my home church. It wasn’t pleasant. But at least I had the option because some angels of God in the last few decades fought for a more grace-filled approach.

So I will continue to fight for a more grace-filled approach for my LGBTQ+ siblings in Christ. As part of that great wave. I understand I will be part of that great, destructive crash to come. But if it means my grandchildren will be free to marry in church, whomever their intended spouse may be, then it will all be worth it.

And when that wave dissipates and rolls back into shore, gentle surf tickling the edges of the sand. When we all remember God is love, we are love, all is love. Then, in the words of the blessed Julian, “All will be well. All things will be well.”

Amen.

Peace be with you.