Deconstructing Church

Writing my way to an inclusive and affirming Church

Reflections on Bereavement

AltText: Dead bunch of sunflowers and wildflower greenery laid on the floor with a still hand and forearm in the background.

When you lose someone dear to you, there is no experience like it.

That moment, should you be by their side at their death or receive the news second hand, never leaves you. They have left, but the moment of their leaving will not. Funny, that.

The firsts begin. The first time you enter into the space they should be but aren’t. The first time their voice should be heard or witnessed as sign, yet is silenced or stilled. The first time you meet with fellow bereaved ones, not knowing if you should share a hug, a tear or a smile.

Do you carry on as normal, when there is this massive tear in the fabric of your life? How do you? How can that even be expected of you? Why is the world not frozen in time while you stop and wail Superman style – only you can’t spin it backwards to reclaim your Lois Lane. How do you do anything but stare at the gaping hole that is left in your complete circle of loved ones and rage at the injustice. They should be there. They should have had more time. We should have had more time.

It has been a long time since I have yearned for a church, but this week as I have mourned a great, desperately sad loss, I felt that pang of *something*. Regret? No. I don’t regret the path I have taken. Absence? Maybe? But I quickly understood the fellowship I needed was right where it always is for me, my online community and my faithful fellows and friends God has given me to journey alongside. Space? Perhaps, but some candles and quiet time sorted that one out. Teaching, communion, etc, etc.

I have it all. Whatever I need, even though I no longer have physical, traditional, on-site church, I have it all. I have been loved through the shock of my bereavement just as dearly as I ever have been.

I still don’t have who I lost on Saturday. But I have found more certainty, belonging and peace since their death because of what I have experienced due to it. More is to come; mourning is messy, prolonged and tiring. But I know I have an online community of wilderness Christians and a God who has my back to get me through.

When you lose someone dear to you, there is no experience like it. Devastating and comforting. Draining and uplifting. Cleaving and gathering.

We have much to learn from the rites of death if we embraced them as much as we do the rites of life.

Peace be with us.

2 responses to “Reflections on Bereavement”

  1. Dear Rebecca,

    I would like to express my condolences to you. A special acknowledgement is due to you for your expressing so commendably well regarding bereavement.

    Your post has touched me very deeply and rendered me teary, as I can resonate and empathize with your reflections on bereavement.

    One never ceases to love those who had featured so much in our lives in many endearing ways. Likewise, I still miss my late mother very dearly every day of my life, given that I have had a very close relationship with my late mother, as can be witnessed in my very detailed, multipronged and poignant examination of mortality and filiality in my expansive post entitled “Khai & Khim: For Always and Beyond Goodbye“, which has been composed as something very significant for posterity in the form of a special multimedia eulogy-cum-memoir-cum-biography. You can easily locate this post from the Home page of my blog.

    Once again, thank you very much for composing and publishing your thought-provoking and reflective post regarding bereavement in relation to everlasting wisdom and compass of life.

    May you find 2022 very much to your liking and highly conducive to your publishing, writing, reading, thinking and blogging whatever topics that appeal to your intellectual exploration and introspection!

    Wishing you a productive week doing or enjoying whatever that satisfies you the most, whether aesthetically, physically, intellectually or spiritually!

    Yours sincerely,


    1. Hello SoundEagle

      Thank you very much for your kind wishes, and I am very sorry for your loss. Writing is such a release, and I am glad we can share our thoughts in support of eachother.

      Peace be with you


      Liked by 1 person

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About Me

Hello, I’m Rebecca! I am a neurodivergent cishet woman living with Long Covid. I am a qualified and registered Music Therapist, and a Tutor. My specialist interests are faith, spirituality, music and social justice (including safeguarding). I write when I feel like it and have the ‘spoons’. I co-lead the online faith community The Ordinary Office, and write for various blogs, books and resources as required.

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