Deconstructing Church

My Mum’s favourite Christmas song is ‘In the Bleak Midwinter’. My Husband hates it and finds it rather problematic! But I love the image of the small, meek person, presented as having nothing, but offering up their greatest treasure, their heart. In my head, I see a weeping Jesus, bowing to receive it, maybe kneeling to scoop it and the figure up in one fell swoop, torn between taking the gift and refusing it, knowing how precious it is. Knowing I love the image so much despite it’s political incorrectness because I identify with it wholeheartedly.

Today my boy received a surprise parcel. He had written to a game development company months ago with a suggestion for their app, and they sent him a wonderful personal reply back with a gift of a poster and some pin badges. His face when he realised was glowing more than on Christmas Day. It was a real moment of joy and blessing on us all.

So when he took one, only one, pin badge from the sleeve, the one which was closest to my favourite colour, and shyly pinned it on my jumper without saying anything much, I had to hold back the tears. I had to stop myself from stopping him, for something in him was calling him to make this gesture. It felt like an anointing. An acknowledgement that this was something really special and of all the people in the world, I was the one he wanted to share it with. He didn’t even take one for himself.

And I wonder. Is this how God feels when I whisper the smallest of prayers in the dead of night when I don’t know how to carry on and it’s all I have left to give?

So next time I hesitate from doing that Bible Journalling page because I can’t draw, or sit in my chair instead of dancing because I feel shy, I’m gonna think again. The next time I want to pray out loud or compliment a friend, I’m just gonna let it out. I’m gonna send that message, tweet that tweet, record that song, post that blog! If something in us is calling us to give, we may not know fully the reason why – my Son certainly didn’t know the fullness of his witness today. But God does. Our hearts do. And the love flowing between us does.

Peace be with you.