Deconstructing Church

Writing my way to an inclusive and affirming Church

But Do You Believe?

I still can’t believe I’ve been this close to a dolphin in the wild. Maybe I should get better at believing in what a pray for …

It’s been a big week here. My eldest child started High School. With 6 months of lockdown, limited transition, ASC and change being a big trigger, I had been rather dreading it! We had put lots of plans in place, worked mega hard to prepare him, and had lots of support from both schools involved. And little man was obviously ready.

Yet, when he came home after his first day without a hitch, I was in shock. I could not believe it.

That morning I had spent time in the psalms before waking him, to settle my own soul. I had prayed with him and drawn a cross on his hand with my finger, a symbol of God to take with him and of my connection to him throughout the day. Then, I had stepped back and let him get on with his morning independently, watching him walk off to school in a way he’s never wanted to do before. Unsupported. In his own right. Amazing. Terrifying.

In God’s care.

My Grandfather called that evening. An amazing man of God, our Church’s Pastor growing up, deeply wise and though a man of few words, boy are they gems when he speaks them. After listening to me gush about how well things had gone and how I couldn’t believe it, he quietly and gently challenged me…

“We have to believe these things will happen if we pray for them.”

It stopped me in my tracks. How often do I pray for things and then declare I don’t believe it? All the time. Every year we visit my sister in law, go on the boat trips to the marine reserve and I pray to see dolphins, not expecting to – then they come and play! Every time I lay a difficult situation at God’s feet before I enter it and it comes out much better than I anticipated, or at least with a clear way forward. Every time I get a clear sense of God’s call, or a song, feel drawn to a verse or know I’ve been used to support a sibling in Christ that day.

Psalm 5:3 encourages us “In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.” If we expect, then we must believe, and thank, and praise. when our expectations are met, and very often exceeded! Don’t we have an amazing God!

Peace be with you.

P.S. As I wrote this, my beloved Grandfather phoned me! Not once did I tell him I couldn’t believe the incredible answers to prayer we celebrated. Thank you Granda, I’m learning …

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About Me

Hello, I’m Rebecca! I am a neurodivergent cishet woman living with Long Covid. I am a qualified and registered Music Therapist, and a Tutor. My specialist interests are faith, spirituality, music and social justice (including safeguarding). I write when I feel like it and have the ‘spoons’. I co-lead the online faith community The Ordinary Office, and write for various blogs, books and resources as required.

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